All that tinsel, holiday music and ads for the perfect gift--it's enough to make the happiest of us feel the pressure of shopping, wrapping, decorating and returning. Imagine how it feels when you're going through tough economic times.
Now add being single, divorced or unhappy in love and having to answer the yearly question: What are you doing for the holidays? Be careful before you answer. This seemingly casual inquiry often hides a trick question, even from caring family and friends, to pry into your love life--or lack of it.
Don't despair. Yes, not having a good partner during the holiday season can intensify feeling alone in a crowd. The solution is to take charge of your unhappiness and use your discomfort with this time of year to motivate you to make changes. Here's a quick list of the most common "blue in love at the holidays" issues and a Do and Don't List.
Issue 1: "There's something wrong me because I don't have a partner-or anyone I want to bring to family and friend gatherings."
Do
List your positive qualities and review them.
Tell your family and friends ahead of time not to ask you about your live life or situation.
Don't
Don't measure your whole self by a few things such as being single.
Don't compare yourself to siblings, cousins and friends who have partners. After all, you don't really know what's going on with them.
Issue 2: "I don't have the time to date-or deal with breaking up. I'm not ready and it's too hard to date anyway."
Do
Forgive yourself.
Volunteer--it's a great depression-buster. If your depression doesn't subside, contact your doctor.
Think long and hard about what things to say yes or no to in your current relationship.
Get out there. Make your goal to meet new and different partners. Tell everyone you're interested in meeting someone. Join dating sites, go to events and introduce yourself to anyone who seems interesting. Don't leave until you do. Start or join a singles or divorce group. Throw a single/divorce party and have everyone bring a friend. Even in your everyday travels at the dry cleaner or supermarket, if you see someone you'd like to meet, say hello. Blame it on a friend's bet that you wouldn't do it.
Don't
Don't fall for the belief that "if it's meant to be, it will just happen."
Don't do more of the same failed efforts. For example, if hiding out or limiting your ways of meeting someone hasn't worked in the past, it's not going to work in the future.
Issue 3: "It's too late for me to change--and I really don't know how."
Do
Review your past to learn about your dating patterns, fears, life phase or events that contribute to avoiding love or falling in love when you did and why you picked a certain kind of person.
If your love life still seems like a mystery to you, seek therapy. Get brave enough to learn about yourself. Life is short.
Don't
Ignore or minimize unacceptable behavior in your partner.
Don't give up or beat yourself up emotionally by hiding out, working long hours or drinking or eating too much.
Don't be afraid of emotional pain or anxiety. No major changes in life happen without fear.
