Many couples who reach an impasse in their sex life begin seeing a sex therapist who can help them learn how to love and care for each other the way they did when they were first together. The sex therapist may give them "homework" to do--like giving each other massages, for instance, or taking a warm bath together.
Enter the sex surrogate, who performs the "homework" with the client, explains Judy Kuriansky, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and sex therapist. "Sex surrogates are hands-on and enact the actions the talk sex therapist is suggesting," Kuriansky explains. "They can be the perfect partner, in effect, enacting what the sex therapist would say is the perfect way that you should be treated by your partner."
But, says Kuriansky, surrogate therapy is really not acceptable for most people. "It could be perceived as prostitution," she says. "These people call themselves sex surrogates, or some surrogates call themselves a masseuse, but then the masseuses who are licensed get upset. So there is a real division between people who are okay with using surrogates and those who would not use them as adjuncts in their therapy."
Sex surrogates have been around since the early 1970s, Kuriansky explains. Between 1970 and 1980, surrogacy worked its way into the collective pop culture fascination. It's estimated by one California therapist that in 1980, there were between 400 and 500 surrogates working in the U.S. Since then, though, the form of therapy has become much less popular and at this point, estimates from sex therapists who use sex surrogates say there might be only 40 in the U.S..
It's obviously an unusual therapy that has raised many an eyebrow. One surrogate, Vena Blanchard, created the International Professional Surrogates Association, geared to training and certifying sex surrogates. But the movement really didn't get off the ground.
"A couple of things made (surrogates) problematic for some therapists," said Howard Ruppel, Ph.D., academic dean at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. "One is the matter of respectability. If you want to get an interesting discussion going on the bulletin boards of professional groups that certify sex therapists, just put surrogate partners out there and the thing goes berserk."
The International Professional Surrogates Association says that its "surrogate partner therapy" is based on the methods of sex therapy pioneers Masters and Johnson.
Surrogate therapy brings together a client, a therapist and a surrogate partner who form a three-person therapeutic team. The surrogate "participates with the client in structured and unstructured experiences that are designed to build client self awareness and skills in the areas of physical and emotional intimacy," according to the website of the International Professional Surrogates Association. Exercises may consist of "sensual and sexual touching" as well as social skills training, according to the website. The idea is that the client becomes more relaxed and more comfortable with emotional and physical intimacy. Theoretically, a surrogate could work with single men and women who might need some sex therapy but don't have a "study buddy" to help them.
While sex surrogates may hold the key to unlocking one's sexuality, it's anything but mainstream and not recommended by most sex therapists.
