What is Sex Therapy?

Most of us became familiar with the term "sex therapist" when the frank, bubbly Dr. Ruth Westheimer appeared on the scene. Her debut book Dr. Ruth's Guide to Good Sex was an international bestseller; yet many of us still couldn't explain what sex therapy is or what a sex therapist does.

Here's the naked truth on sex therapy and sex therapists and how they can help you and your partner in your sex life and relationship.

What is Sex Therapy?

Sex therapy technically falls under the psychotherapy umbrella. Sex therapists help couples who have problems relating to human sexuality. Some of the issues couples or individuals go to sex therapy for include erectile dysfunction, difficulty reaching orgasm, pornography addiction, or past sexual abuse. Other problems that people seek sex therapy for include:

  • Concerns about sexual arousal, satisfaction, and performance
  • An increased or decreased need for intimacy
  • Incompatible sex drives
  • Gender identity and sexual orientation issues
  • Sexual pain disorders
  • Sexual compulsivity or addiction
  • Sexless relationships (sex 10 times a year or less)
  • Sex problems caused by medical conditions

In most states, sex therapy is not separately licensed or regulated, states the American Association of Sexuality Educators Counsellors and Therapists (AASECT). The organization provides therapists who have met strict qualifications with voluntary certification.

However, sex therapists aren't to be confused with sexual surrogates - people who engage in sexual contact with their clients to treat their sex problems.

What Happens During Sex Therapy?

According to AASECT, during a session, a certified sex therapist meets with either you, or your partner, or both of you. She'll take into account your history of sexual concerns, and psychological and physical information to come to their diagnosis.

After your diagnosis, your sex therapist will suggest several treatments. In some cases, the therapist may collaborate with your doctor or other health professionals to come up with the best treatment plan for you.

Sex therapy may include reading, audio-visual materials, workshops, and discussions. And you may also have some homework assignments, which may vary based on your progress and comfort level. However, your sex therapist should never make advances towards you or do anything sexually suggestive. Sometimes, during sex therapy couples may be encouraged to hold or stroke each other to develop better intimacy, but that's as far as the contact should go.

Sex therapy doesn't work right away - it takes a few sessions before you notice any improvement. Also, your commitment to the process and your partner's participation makes a significant difference to the treatment's success.

How to Find a Sex Therapist

  • Do your homework. Ask for referrals, credentials and have a trial session to determine if the sex therapist is the right fit for you. You can find AASECT certified sex therapists in your area through the association's website. 
  • Look for someone who makes you feel comfortable and who has compatible values to yours.
  • You should trust and respect your sex therapist, and your therapist should be respectful and attentive to you.
  • Avoid therapists who are inflexible on their views of human sexuality, especially if they are opposite to yours.
  • If you're embarrassed or unsure about full-out sex therapy, you can also pay to speak to an AASECT certified sex therapists online or on the phone through Liveperson.com. You can verify their qualifications by clicking on their names, and read reviews from previous clients.