If you have trouble attaining orgasm, you're far from alone. Surveys show that about a quarter of American women report they have some sort of orgasm related problems. Some women say they can't have one at all, which is called anorgasmia, while others can only get close but can't seem to climax.
The problem may sometimes lie in the fact that women are not familiar with their own bodies, says psychosexual therapist and couples counselor Sara Nasserzadeh, author of "The Orgasm Answer Guide."
"The most common reason why women say they can't is that they don't have any idea about how to pleasure themselves," she says. "But the education we receive has to do with reproduction and all the things that can go wrong with the reproductive system, not about the pleasure in it."
But, says Cindy Meston, co-author of Why Women Have Sex, "The good news is that almost all women can have orgasms. They just have to learn how to have one."
Why It Doesn't Happen
Among the many reasons for orgasm trouble are smoking, obesity, cardiovascular disease and certain antidepressants. As women get older, they may be affected by the simple biology of menopause when a woman' s levels of estrogen and testosterone drop off.
But there's more to the picture than physical causes. "The biggest orgasm killer is anxiety about sex," Meston says. "If a woman is having body image concerns, that makes it hard. Instead of thinking of the pleasurable sensations, they are thinking about whether their butt is too big. And anything that is distracting will impair a woman's ability to have an orgasm."
While only about 60 percent of women are able to have an orgasm during intercourse, according to Meston's research, it's easier through masturbation, she says. "A woman is better able to find the exact areas that are most pleasurable to her and to receive the most appropriate amount of stimulation," Meston says.
Get that Fire Burning
Some women are helped by hormones such as topical estrogen and testosterone—although, testosterone therapy is still considered controversial.
If you're overweight and sedentary, get into shape and shed the extra pounds.
If you smoke, quit.
Try "directed masturbation," suggests Meston. "It's a very simple technique where the woman explores her body by herself and learns to locate sensitive areas that produce feelings of sexual arousal, and to manually stimulate those areas until something happens," she says. "Through self exploration exercises, she learns what feels good and what doesn't."
Getting your partner involved is important, and though sexual communication with a partner can initially be awkward, Meston says it's worth it. Once you can discuss what you like and don't like together, he'll be better informed about your No Zones and Go Zones, Meston says.
