You've met a great guy or girl and the future looks bright. But will your sex life sizzle, and more importantly, will it stay hot?
Love at first sight doesn't always happen, and it can take awhile for a deeply satisfying relationship to thrive and grow. One way to know? You're turned on by the same things.
"When you both think the same things are sexy or erotic, this is one sign of moving toward intimacy and toward sexual compatibility," says Michael McGee, Master of Ed., CSE, and executive director of the World Association for Sexual Health.
You can do a self-quiz to find out if you're sexually compatible, says psychotherapist Stacy Kaiser, LMFT. Ask yourself five questions, she suggests.
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Do you feel really happy and are you smiling a lot more when you're with the person?
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When you are apart, are you really excited about seeing him again?
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When you kiss, do you feel an almost physical energy and excitement?
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Are you willing to sacrifice sleep, work or just about anything to be with the person?
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When you have physical contact with the person, even if it's just holding hands, do you always want more?
If you answered yes to most of these questions, chances are things are going to heat up and stay hot, Kaiser says.
A Guide to Sexual Compatibility
Sexual compatibility relies on simple chemistry between two people, says Israel Helfand, CST, LMFT, Ph.D. Most couples with a successful long-term sexual relationship actually love the feel, the smell, and even the taste of each other. Without this magnetic attraction to the other one's physical presence, the sex between you may be less than compelling.
"Without this mutual attraction to the other's taste and smell, it's a damned good bet that the two people won't be sexually compatible," Helfand explains.
When you are searching for the person that will make a great sexual partner, it will usually be apparent fairly early on, McGee says. Sometimes, intimacy between two people doesn't begin until after they've known each other for some time. Two people could start out as friends and stay friends for a period of time until suddenly one day, they realize that they're looking at each other in a different, sensual way. It's not unheard of for two people to be friends for years before realizing that they both want more than friendship out of the relationship, he says.
Whether or not you've just met the person you think would be perfect for you, or whether you've known that person for years and are only now starting to see the individual as a potential mate, communication is absolutely essential, McGee says.
"It's way easier to have sex these days than it is to talk about it," he admits. "But communication is key to compatibility. If you can't talk about sex, you shouldn't be having sex with the person."
